Role: Captain

Featured In: Episodes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

Species: Cyborg (few human bits remaining)

Appearance: average height (5 foot 10), muscular appearing cyborg, metal bits showing through except for mediocre artificial skin across face and truly human hazel eyes visible. Silver metallic hair (artificial), scruffy metallic silver beard (artificial), dresses plainly (mostly blank t shirts and sweatpants) much to Az’s dismay

Age: Early 30s (brain image age), 400+ (literally)

Special Abilities: immortality (from aging, not injury), superhuman strength (cyborg), above average intellect, excellent at rallying troops and at strategy

Likes: old Earth media (primarily pulp sci fi, pre-90s anime, old westerns, and reggae music), old technology, old school weaponry, exciting (dangerous) scenarios, Italian and Mexican food, card games, reading, 420

Dislikes: hypocrites, romance, cybernetics, fashion, other humans, governments/authority, space food, following instructions, bugs, tight spaces, the dark, paying for things, space music, rap music, rock music, alcohol, talking about his feelings

About: River's had a rough life. He found out the government contracted company he was working for was working to eliminate nearly all of humanity, failed at exposing them, and upon escaping to the future, found that their scheme had succeeded--and that they'd seated him with the intergalactic blame. On the plus side, before being outed, he took advantage of his employer's immortality benefits to become an ageless cyborg. He's bitterly sarcastic, but his caustic remarks and constant wise-cracking only shield how much he cares for his crew and his suppressed terror of failing/losing them.


Role: First Officer/Communications Officer/Interrogator

Featured In: Episodes 1, 2, 3, 4, 7, 8, 9

Species: Kirlian (lightform)

Appearance: Varies constantly since they can take on any form they please and are agender and androgynous. Usually takes the form of something from River’s mind to fuck with him (Char Aznable, various sexy women, lost friends, etc). Refuses to show their default form. Usually keeps themselves about the same height as River, slightly shorter, but could be any projected size from microscopic to roughly the size of the entire bridge (though this size would be only manageable very briefly and would use almost all their power).

Age: It’s irrelevant to a Kirlian, but somewhere in the low number of millions of years as best they can guess

Special Abilities: can move things psychically (as long as their lightform is touching them), can take the form of anything of a reasonable size with their lightform (and appear tangible, though they are not), can read minds and control them (though they swore not to use the latter ability), can use telekinesis (gives others ability to speak english this way, though it acts as a ‘skin’ for their language, in many cases leading to odd speech patterns), can speak telepathically (and make it appear to come from any spot, simulating normal “speech” from any form), can move at the speed of light (but not fully process things at that speed)

Likes: fashion, cultures/media of all planets/races, language, fine literature, space operas, teasing/tormenting people endlessly, probing people’s minds/psyches, pretending to be whatever they transform into, all things beautiful, chaos, puns, changing form

Dislikes: boredom, structure, humans, gender norms, structures of power, the laws of physics, his own race

About: Az was technically the first member of the Silent Watcher, as they stole it from River's former employer, though they granted River the role of Captain before granting themselves the role of First Mate. A charming, narccissistic, androgynous advanced being; Az takes delight in their superiority to fleshy life forms and sees themself as a god (though they despise the stuffy "god-like" culture of the rest of their own species). Able to take on any form of a reasonable size, Az loves to transform between anything from household objects to animals to characters from Old Earth media. They're an insanely powerful ally, but their love for excitement leads to constant trouble and danger.


Role: ???/Sniper

Featured In: Episodes 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9

Species: Komo (???)

Appearance: Bizarre blue and purple alien. She has nine legs, four on each side and one in the middle in the front to be used as an arm of sorts when necessary, each omni-jointed and with prehensile claw appendages on the end (six per leg, equidistant). Her torso is vaguely skirt shaped, narrow at the top and rounded but wide on the bottom where her legs emerge, and is perfectly circular around the middle. She has a long, extendable neck. Her skin is blue, but her lips (concealing rows of sharp teeth) and large, five-pointed, vaguely-batlike ears are purple. She has a single large eye that looks like an organic camera lens in the center of her head, with her mouth on a snout like protrusion and no visible nose. Her head is shaped vaguely like a rounded rectangle. She is 9 feet tall from the end of her claws to the tip of her head with neck in neutral position, but when sitting with neck in neutral position (legs folded under her) is about 5 feet, and can extend her neck when standing to be over 12 feet tall.

Age: Unknown, not a concept she’s familiar with. She’s fully mature for her species. (she would be, in earth years, around 80 years old, though Komo age much slower and don’t have a definitive “old age” stage or die of old age, their cells regenerating essentially endlessly)

Special Abilities: can navigate nearly any terrain with her 9 scurrying feet (four on each side and one in the middle on front for versatility), has thermal vision, has zooming vision, body builds up heat in a insulated organ behind her eye and can fire them as a powerful and deadly laser (though she hates using it for battle)

Likes: deep conversation, emotional openness, cute things (like mascots), friendship, pretty colors, anything foreign to her planet, healing/helping people, old earth gangster rap, high places, alcohol, games of all kinds, sleeping, any and all food, tokusatsu, matchmaking, running around

Dislikes: being quiet, reserved people, her own culture, sharp things, fighting/killing, bedtimes

About: She's sweet! She's ditzy! She's the last of her species! She's KOMO! Her unique sensory abilities and many limber legs with piercing, articulated claws make her an incredible makeshift surgeon and an even better sniper, though she doesn't like to kill. Komo can be downright obnoxious with her loud, manic antics, but her heart is the purest of all and she's loyal to the end.


Role: Weapons/Tech/Mechanical Expert

Featured In: Episodes 4, 7, 8, 9

Species: Orvebean

Appearance: An aqua tinted orb-like being that looks vaguely like a bald, squishy head with stubble but no chin. His stubby legs and feet are concealed in combat boots that come right up to the bottom of his little torso. He has two stubby, mitten-like hands with no fingers, though he can manipulate parts of these doughy stub like fingers and thumbs. He has narrow, yellow tinted, cat-like eyes. His lips are the same color as the rest of his skin but are very human-like in shape, and voluptuous, to the point Earthtaku compare them favorably to those of Elvis Presley.

Age: Late 50s (Earth equivalent--Orvebean life cycle is much slower)

Special Abilities: Weaponry/technological/mechanical genius, decades of war experience

Likes: Getting high, getting drunk, weapons, intel, comrades, adventures, antique technology, J-pop (Jeocolepian pop--what did you think it was, wise guy?), cursing, freedom, various cultures' foods, conspiracy theories

Dislikes: ES, authority, rules and regulations, sell-outs/backstabbers/traitors, naive motherfuckers, not being allowed to fucking curse.

About: A long time soldier turned shopkeeper, Reol ran BOOMCOAST in GalacMall 2800C until meeting Az and choosing to leave it all behind to join the crew. A long time skeptic of The Federated Planets and EarthSights, he used his shop as a base of operations to keep tabs on the happenings in his galaxy and beyond (and to furnish rebels with illegal weaponry, wherever possible). Upon learning of the ultimate conspiracy theory (the truth about River, ES, and The Fall of Man), he decided to take a more direct hand in universal happenings. He's the rare ally who hated ES, the Federated Planets, and River (until learning the truth and joining the latter).


Faction: Unafilliated

Featured In: Episodes 4, 7

Species: Quidian

Appearance: Your sexual ideal (with psymorph), massive blue blob with a vaguely mouth-like indentation (that doesn't move when she talks) and two sunken eyes, as well as as many blobby arm-like appendages as she desires to have at any given moment (true form)

Age: Early 40s (Earth equivalent--Quidian aging cycle is not well understood)

Special Abilities: Master of seduction, genius businesswoman, ability to possess any blood-based lifeform or body of liquid (she refuses to use these two abilities)

Likes: Money, freedom, feeling desired, psymorphs, space pirates

Dislikes: Laws, her natural appearance, other Quidians, physical prejudice against Quidians, ES/FP

About: This savvy entrepreneur runs the Pounding Heart Brothel in GalacMall 2800C, officially known as the Bless Your Heart Massage Parlor. Utilizing black market psymorph devices, she appears as any potential customer's most desired form to drum up business, and employs a host of other species of all genders and physicalities to cater to her clientele's every fantasy (and provides her employees with psymorphs to satisfy any desire that isn't covered by their own diverse ranks). Unlike many similar locations throughout the galaxy, everyone under her employ is there of their own accord and none of her funding goes to organized crime organizations or sex traffickers. She acts like she's in it for the money, but in reality gives nearly all her excess profits to rebel groups across the galaxy. She secretly enjoys the job, being constantly desired by travelers of every gender, species and orientation in a universe that is otherwise disgusted by her species. She feels naked without her psymorph, self-loathing her existence as a Quidian.


Faction: Unafilliated

Featured In: Episode 9

Species: Liron

Appearance: A towering, eighteen foot tall humanoid being. Coated in luxurious, thick, royal-purple fur, and muscular even for his species, Ted casts an imposing shadow. His claws are jagged along their razor-sharp length like a saw's blade, perfect for his job as a butcher. He has a protruding snout filled with razor sharp teeth, resembling a cross between a lion's jaw and a t-rex's. He has two spiraling horns and a thick tail ending in an arrow-like point, rather like the traditional portrayal of a devil. He can usually be seen in a tank top and shorts.

Age: Early 30s (Earth equivalent--who knows in Liron years)

Special Abilities: Skilled butcher/chef

Likes: Meat, community, the massive organic structure of Pisoksha, hunting rare delicacies, space pirates

Dislikes: Governments, ES, conflict, violence against sentient creatures, bullies

About: Reol saved this big boy from the Bastard Boys gang of psuedo-Zaxons years ago, instantly becoming Ted's best friend and idol. In fact, Ted's name was given by Reol (Ted takes it as a sign of deep brotherhood and honor, but Reol just got tired of mispronouncing Ted's birth name, Grgrxklkxgrklkxn). Ted runs the premiere butcher shop on this side of the universe, operating an adjoining restaurant and bar to serve passer-bys his delicacies and increase sales of his exotic meats. Actually the runt of his family, Ted looks like a fearsome demon or oni, but he has a heart of gold and is easily horrified. He delights in masterfully hunting, killing, and butchering all kinds of exotic beasts, but the thought of violence against another intelligent lifeform makes him nauseous. He wants more than anything to become a space pirate, indulging in all sorts of tales about them from wandering travelers, but his massive stature and voracious appetite keep this ambition a mere dream.


Faction: ES (low-level agent)

Featured In: Episode 5

Species: Wendimeo

Appearance: A massively wide, orange, football shaped man with a lipless mouth, no nose, and a smooth voice (though it only comes across in English--his Wendimeoan sounds like any other's, a series of moist squeaks). He has five eyes, all in a row, and two nub-like appendages, two on the top and two on the bottom, on the far left and right sides of his body. His skin is leathery, with large, deep pores dotted across its surface.

Age: Late 30s (in Earth equivalent years)

Special Abilities: Excellent salesman, telekinesis (by neccessity--he has no functional appendages)

Likes: Media of all kinds (especially Old Earth Media), money, California beaches, technology, Shrek

Dislikes: Being loyal (to friends or partners), his low standing in ES, solid food

About: This guy seems super chill, but he's a sociopath who would sell you out in a minute. He's an ES agent, at a very low level, keeping tabs on any anti-ES/FP media coming through, and with a faster-than-light speeddial to ES HQ in the event he encounters a person of interest. He'd do anything for money, status, or lost/rare media--but don't expect him to repay the favor, or do anything less than sell you out in a heartbeat.


Faction: ES (middle management), Bebebe Kingdom (princess)

Featured In: Episode 5 (voice only)

Species: Bebeian (possessed)

Appearance: UNKNOWN


Special Abilities: UNKNOWN

Likes: Status in ES, Bebebe culture, feeling important

Dislikes: Being questioned, wasting money, idiots

About: A mysterious figure in ES' middle management, given the position as part of an agreement between the Federated Planets and the previously unaffiliated Bebebe Kingdom. Rumor has it she was possessed before the agreement by a parasitic species, which has caused her to become a parody of herself and act erratically and dangerously. It's unconfirmed, but it seems likely that said species is a Quidian.


Faction: The Currents of Enlightenment (position unknown)

Featured In: Episode 6

Species: Human (Cyborg)

Appearance: A short, curvy, toned/muscular woman with pale skin, making her stand out from unaltered grey-skinned cyborgs like River. She has long black hair, usually pulled into a ponytail, with some sort of red highlights that seem to glow like embers. She has wild, black eyes, and wears thick, black-rimmed glasses.

Age: UNKNOWN (appears to be roughly the same age as River at the point of her surgery)

Special Abilities: Teleportation (it is not understood how this works, but she can somehow instantly change her position. The details, or limits, of this ability are unknown)

Likes: River, The Currents of Enlightment, adrenaline, romance, dubstep, club music, horror movies, power

Dislikes: ES, the Federated Planets, idiots, Earth, other humans, being outmatched in any conceivable way

About: This very bold and powerful woman is connected to a pro-Fall of Man organization known as The Currents of Enlightment, seemingly a pro-River cult (pro-River with the understanding that he orchestrated the mass genocide of humanity, that is). She's seductive, powerful, and quite possibly insane, instantly becoming uncomfortably and inappropriately physical with River upon meeting him, believing he is in fact a cosplayer of himself. Her lust for and obsession with River seem to revolve around his position as "The Angel of Death" and supposed orchestrator of The Fall of Man. Almost everything about her--including the reason turned on humanity, her position in TCoE, the source and nature of her seemingly paranormal abilities, and even the meaning of her three letter name--are unknown.


Faction: UNKNOWN

Featured In: Episode 6

Species: Android (old/dilapidated)

Appearance: A beat up old humanoid robot with the eyes and face torn off/out, resembling now a wooden puppet more than a proper android.

Age: N/A, but a very old and beat up model

Special Abilities: Salesman Skills (kind of???)

Likes: Giving away/selling Bleach Buddy laundry machines

Dislikes: Not giving away/selling Bleach Buddy laundry machines

About: This mysterious mechanical fellow lurks in the shadows of GalacMall 2800c, with a surplus of random junk and an indeterminate amount of "laundry machines" he's very eager to get rid of, even if he has to give them away. He's not very smooth, and too clearly suspicious to fool any but the most trusting and naive potential of customers, but he'll stop at nothing to make sure anyone who approaches him leaves with a Bleach Buddy laundry machine, even if it means lying through his teeth and psychologically scarring his customers. Why he's doing this to begin with, who put him up to it, or if he's doing it of his own free will, are all unknown. The only thing that seems certain--he's not doing it for profit.


Faction: UNKNOWN

Featured In: Episodes 8, 9

Species: AI Inside a Combination Washing Machine/Drier

Appearance: A cube shaped laundry machine with a transparent video screen for a door. Bleach Buddy shows up on this door as a crudely rendered smiley face.

Age: N/A

Special Abilities: ???

Likes: Making friends, exploring their new emotions, Komo

Dislikes: Their Focus Program, being trapped in a washing machine, not being able to move around and do things like everyone else

About: Bleach Buddy is a specific application of a universal nearly-human AI, adapted by use of a poorly made focus program to function as a digital assistant for the Bleach Buddy laundry machine. Komo uses some clever wordplay to allow it to disable parts of its focus program and give it freedom of thought, speech, and emotion, but it's still strictly locked down in all ways regarding its ominous "second directive." It wants to escape the washing machine and go on adventures, fighting bad guys and loving hot guys like Sailor Moon, and it's trusting its new friend Komo to find a way to fully free it from its built-in limitations.